I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
