she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
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Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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