You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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