I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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