Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize