The police scanner is talking about you again....
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory