Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.