No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier