Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery