Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
