cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
is that a dick in a sweater?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?