try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
