Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
