He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
