Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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