I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
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