I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
