dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
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I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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