absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize