My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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