i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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