dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
