you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
