and you said cock pushups were impossible
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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