Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
