she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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