Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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