I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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