my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
where are my eyebrows?
Never joke about your clitoris.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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