i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
