I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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