Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
