Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
