The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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