Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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