Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We have so much sex to catch up on
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
