3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
