Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize