PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
