Im at strip club and am horny
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
