i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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