my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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