I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
