I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
