Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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