How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
