my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
