I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
