Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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