so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
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I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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