some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
