puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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