Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im holly from the hills drunk
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize