Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
