yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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