He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize