Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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