Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
