sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He passed out mid-signature
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize