Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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