I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
